Što je ljubav? - part 3

Ljubav je danas, kao i njen česti partner seks, trivijalizirana do te mjere da  se odgovor na pitanje što ljubav zaista jest, nudi samo u obliku konzumerističkog proizvoda. Stoga ljubav prvenstveno povezujemo s onom savršenom osobom koju čekamo cijeli život (pritom se konstrukcija cijeli život odnosi na period života do 30-e jer ako ste u 30-ima single što nije u redu s vama?),  maštovitim  humorističnim komedijama, čokoladama u obliku srca za Valentinovo, romantičnim večerama sa svijećama i raskošnim vjenčanicama do poda. Nitko ne spominje da su ljubav prije svega rad, znoj i kompromis, da ljubav često nema veze sa seksom, da ljubav nije neka sladunjava ideja nego vrlo ozbiljan koncept. Problem leži upravo u tome što toliko često miješamo pojmove seks i ljubav, što smo uvjereni da je to nešto što pada s neba, nešto savršeno i lako! A da bi razumjeli što ljubav jest, moramo shvatiti da ona prije svega dolazi iz mozga, a ne iz srca, penisa ili vagine, kako nas uči pop kultura.

Kontradiktorno je i to što se pojam ljubavi uzdiže na razinu božanskog ideala,  a u isto vrijeme je ismijavamo, umanjujemo njeno značenje i spuštamo je na razinu ispod fizičke boli. I kao što moramo shvatiti da ljubav prije svega dolazi iz mozga, tako i na pitanje zašto toliko volimo ljubav, odgovor možda trebamo tražiti u samoj evoluciji i smislu našeg postojanja. Ne, mi ne volimo ljubav zbog čokoladnih srca i romantičnih filmskih prikaza, nego zato jer je ona prije svega pitanje opstanka, jer bez drugih ne bi mogli egzistirati i jer smo stvoreni smo da se povezujemo, ali kako i s kime, to je pravo pitanje! Ono što u startu radimo krivo je da u osobi u kojoj tražimo ljubav ujedno tražimo i savršenstvo.  Da se ponovno poslužim riječimaOscara Wildea koji je rekao: " Zaljubiti se podrazumijeva trijumf nade nad poznavanjem sebe. Zaljubljujemo se u nadi da  u drugome nećemo naći ono što znamo da je u nama, sav kukavičluk, slabost, lijenost, neiskrenost, kompromis i glupost. Bacamo kordon ljubavi prema izabranoj osobi i odlučujemo da sve što ta osoba jest, jest ono što je slobodno od svih mana. Samim time ona je voljiva. U njoj/njemu lociramo savršenstvo koje nemamo u sebi. " Na taj način tražimo utjehu u drugome kao bijeg od sebe što je iluzija. Isto tako krivo i iluzorno je i kriviti drugu osobu što nije onako savršena kakvom smo je mi zamislili u glavi.

To možda još bolje objašnjava Imago koncept. Okosnica ovog teorijskog koncepta vodi nas u djetinjstvo i natrag. Formiramo se u bliskom emocionalnom odnosu u djetinjstvu, kada tijekom odrastanja, uz potvrde i ohrabrenja, zadobivamo i niz povreda. Te povrede i potvrde koje smo zadobili kao i primjeri odnosa koje smo promatrali tijekom ranih godina, tvore u našem umu impresionistički senzorni otisak "Imago" o tome kako izgleda sigurna ili nesigurna intimna veza. Naše ponašanje, kao i to kakvi ćemo biti prema drugim bliskim ljudima iz naše neposredne okoline i što ćemo od njih očekivati određuju ti prvi, rani, duboko utisnuti modeli. Oni određuju i to da ćemo u našem odraslom životu izabrati za partnera osobu koja nas energetski podsjeća na roditeljske figure. U tom konceptu možemo naći objašnjenje za velik dio procesa u odnosu, ali također i nadahnuće za korištenje tih saznanja u procesu oporavka međusobnog odnosa.

Četiri su faze prema ovom konceptu:

1. Privlačnost - odabiranje (roditelji)
2. Romanca - povreda proporcionalna povredi tog roditelja koji nam je nanio bol
3. Borba za moć - najvažnija jer jedino ako to zrelo odradimo idemo na 4. fazu
4. Prava ljubav

Mislim kako je naše društvo fokusirano i fiksirano na isključivo 4. fazu. Naše društvo propagira brz put do ljubavi, kao što pornići propagiraju brz put do orgazma. Nitko ne spominje da ljubavi kao i orgazmu prethode rad i trud. I onda ljudi odustaju od ljubavi ili dobrog seksa jer se razočaraju nakon par iskustava, iskustava koja se temelje na pretpostavci da je prava ljubav ili kvalitetan seks, odmah tu, iza ugla. Adrienne Rich dobro je to znala kada je napisala:"Časna ljubavna veza, ona u kojoj dvoje ljudi imaju pravo upotrebljavati riječ "ljubav" je proces, delikatan, nasilan, često zastrašujuć objema osobama koje su uključene, proces redefiniranja istina koje jedno može reći drugome. Važno je činiti ovo jer se na taj način prekida samo-iluzija i izolacija. Važno je činiti ovo jer smo na taj način pravedni prema vlastitoj kompleksnosti. Važno je činiti ovo je možemo računati na tako malo ljudi da će otići tako daleko s nama."

Izolacije se dotaknuo i profesorMatthew D. Lieberman koji tvrdi da naš mozak nije tek jednostavan mehanizam koji reagira na bol i zadovoljstvo nego je  stvoren da povezuje ljude, a socijalna potreba doživotna je i jednako bitna kao što su hrana i toplina. Zašto? Jer bol koju osjećamo nakon fizičke povrede istovjetna je onoj koja nastaje nakon one socijalne. Mozak ne vidi razliku. I ne radi se samo o boli koju osjećamo bez voljene osobe, nego i o gubitku sebe jer iako je krivo tražiti u drugom utjehu, mi donekle trebamo drugojada uz pomoć njega izgradimo svojja.

I što nam onda u konačnici preostaje? Možda samo prepustiti se beskonačnom svemiru i u maniriJoea Hansona koji u svojoj studiji "OK je biti pametan"govori o tomekako nas potraga za izvanzemaljskim životom može naučiti koju o izgledima za pronalazak te romanticizirane srodne duše, zatvoriti oči i čekati  našu šansu za ljubav, a kada ona i dođe, zasuči rukave i ozbiljno se primiti posla. Pod uvjetom da objekt naše želje nije egocentrično, sebično govno koje ne želi raditi na odnosu! Toliko je malo ljudi koji su spremni to učiniti, zato tek sad shvaćam riječi svog profesora sociologije s fakulteta: "Zašto toliko slavimo ljubav? Zato jer je toliko rijetka pojava!"

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                                           What is love? - part 3

Today love is, as well as it's common partner sex, trivialized to the extent that the answer to the question of what love really is, is only offered in the form of consumerist product. Therefore love is primarily associated with that perfect person you're waiting your whole life for (andyour whole liferefers to the period of life until your 30ies, because if you're in your 30's and you are single what's wrong with you?), imaginative humorous comedies, chocolates in the shape of hearts for Valentine's Day, romantic dinners with candles and gorgeous wedding dresses to the floor. No one mentioned that love, above all means hard work, sweat and compromise, that love often has nothing to do with sex, that love is not some fruity idea but a serious concept. The problem lies in the fact that we so often confuse the terms sex and love, that we are convinced how this is something that falls from the sky, something perfect and easy! And to understand what love is, we must understand that it primarily comes from the brain, not  from the heart, penis or vagina, how pop culture teaches us.

It is also contrary to the fact that we rise the concept of love to the level of divine ideal, while at the same time we make fun of it, diminish its significance and descend it to a level below physical pain. And just as we must understand that love comes primarily from the brain, to the question of why do we love love so much, the answer may need to be searched for in the evolution and meaning of our existence. No, we do not love love so much because  of heart shaped chocolates and romantic film presentations, but because it is primarily a matter of survival, because without other people we couldn't exist, and because we are created to connect, but how and with whom, that's the question! What we do wrong from the start is that in the person we are looking for love for we at the same time look for perfection. To re-use the words of Oscar Wilde who said: "To fall into love involves the triumph of hope over self-knowledge. Wefall in love hoping that we will not find in the other what we know is in ourselves – all the cowardice, weakness, laziness, dishonesty, compromise and brute stupidity. We throw a cordon of love around the chosen one, and decide that everything that lies within it will somehow be free of our faults and hence lovable. We locate inside another a perfection that eludes us within ourselves, and through union with the beloved, hope somehow to maintain [against evidence of all self-knowledge] a precarious faith in the species."In this way we seek solace in each other as an escape from oneself which is an illusion. It is also false and illusory that we blame the other person if he/she doesn't turn out to be as perfect as we've envisioned it to be in our head.

This might be explained better with the Imago concept. The framework of this theoretical concept leads us to childhood and back. We form in a close emotional relationship in our childhood, when while growing up, with confirmation and encouragement, we also gain and a series of injuries. These violations and confirmation that we received as well as examples of relationships that we observed during the early years, form in our minds an impressionistic sensory impression called "Imago" about how safe or unsafe intimate relationship will look like. Our behavior, as well as how will we will treat other people in our immediate surroundings and what we expect of them define those first, early, deeply embedded models. They also determine that we will in our adult life choose for a partner someone who reminds us energetically of  parental figures. In this concept, we can find an explanation for a large part of the processes in the relationship, but also the inspiration to use these findings in the recovery process of mutual relations.

There are 4 stages of this concept:

1. The appeal  - selecting (parents)

2. Romance-  injuries proportional to the violation of that parent who inflicted our pain

3. Fight for power - the most important because only if we work maturely on this we are going to the fourth phase

4. True Love

I think our society is focused and fixed on only the fourth phase. Our society promotes a rapid path to love, as porn movies propagate a quick way to orgasm. Nobody mentions that prior to love and orgasm are work and effort. And thenpeople give up on love or good sex because they are disappointed after a couple of bad experiences, experiences that are based on the assumption that true love or good sex are just around the corner. Adrienne Rich knew this well when she wrote:An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love” — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.

It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity.

It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us

And Professor Matthew D. Lieberman touched upon the subject of isolation, he claims that our brain is not just a simple mechanism that reacts to pain and pleasure, but was created to bring people together and that social need for life is as important as food and warmth. Why? For the pain that you feel after physical injury is identical to that which occurs after a social one. The brain can not tell the difference. And it's not just about the pain you feel without a loved one, but also about the loss of self because although it's wrong to seek solace in the other person, to some extend we need the other self to help us build ourself.

And what are we finally left with? Maybe we can just leave ourselves to the infinite universe and in the manner of Joe Hanson who in his study "It's OK to be smart," talks about how the search for extraterrestrial life can teach us about the prospects for finding that romanticizirane soul, to close our eyes and wait for our chance to love, and when it comes, roll up our sleeves and take the job seriously. Provided that the object of our desire is not a self-centered, selfish piece of shit who doesn't want to work on the relationship! So few people are willing to do it, because only now do I understand the words of my sociology professor from university: "Why do we celebrate love so much? Because it is so rare!"

sources: 

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2011/04/18/5-must-read-books-on-love/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/02/12/the-math-of-love/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/03/15/general-theory-of-love-2/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/07/02/adrienne-rich-honorable-human-relationship/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/12/14/adrienne-rich-on-love-loss-happiness-creativity/

http://www.brainpickings.org/2011/12/27/the-voyagers-penny-lane-carl-sagan/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/11/08/social-why-our-brains-are-wired-to-connect-lieberman/

http://www.imago-terapijaodnosa.hr/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=2&Itemid=2

Što je ljubav? - part 2

U knjizi "Socijalno: Zašto su naši mozgovi povezani" (Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect)neuroznanstvenik Matthew D. Lieberman, voditelj  socijalno kognitivnog neuroznanstvenog laboratorija pri Sveučilištu u Kaliforniji (UCLA’s Social Cognitive Neuroscience lab), hvata se u koštac s pitanjem tko smo mi kao socijalna bića te otkriva kako točnije poznavanje naše socijalne prirode može unaprijediti naše živote i društvo. Lieberman koji je protekla dva desetljeća koristio alate kao što je funkcionalna magnetska rezonanca (fMRI) kako bi proučavao kako ljudski mozak reagira na njegov društveni kontekst, saznao je da naš mozak nije tek jednostavan mehanizam koji reagira na bol i zadovoljstvo nego je zapravo stvoren da povezuje ljude. U srcu njegova istraživanja nalazi se pitanje: "Zašto osjećamo toliko intenzivnu agoniju kada izgubimo voljenu osobu?" On tvrdi da daleko od toga da je tuga dizajnirana mana u našom neuronskoj arhitekturi, ali je u isto vrijeme i dokaz da je naš kapacitet za takvu ogromnu bol bitna osobina naše evolucijske konstitucije. Dapače, istraživanje koje su Lieberman i njegova žena proveli u proteklim desetljećima pokazuje da je reakcija našeg mozga na emotivnu bol vitalna za naš opstanak.

"Naši mozgovi razvili su se na način da prijetnju našim socijalnim kontaktima doživljavaju uvelike na isti način kao i kada je riječ o fizičkoj boli. Aktiviranjem istog neuronskog sklopovlja koje dovodi do toga da osjećamo fizičku bol, iskustvo socijalne boli pomaže nam da omogućimo preživljavanje djece tako što ih držimo blizu njihovih roditelja. Neuronska veza između socijalne i fizičke boli također omogućava da socijalna povezanost ostane doživotna potreba kao što su hrana i toplina. S obzirom na činjenicu da naši mozgovi tretiraju socijalnu i fizičku bol slično, ne bi li kao društvo trebali socijalnu bol tretirati drugačije nego što to inače radimo? Nećemo očekivati da netko sa slomljenom nogom "sam tako prijeđe preko toga". A ipak kada pričamo o socijalnoj boli, ovo je uobičajen odgovor. Istraživanje koje smo ja i drugi proveli koristeći funkcionalnu magnetsku rezonancu pokazuje da je ono kako doživljavamo socijalnu bol u skladu s našom percepcijom nas samih. Intuitivno vjerujemo kako su socijalna i fizička bol radikalno drugačija vrste iskustva, no način na koji ih naš mozak tretira pokazuje da su sličnije nego što možemo zamisliti.", tvrdi Lieberman.

Lieberman dodaje: "Neuronska osnova za naša osobna uvjerenja značajno se preklapa s jednom od regija mozga koja je primarno odgovorna za dozvoljavanje mišljenja drugih ljudi da utječu na naša vlastita. NašeJaje više kao autocesta za socijalni utjecaj nego neosvojiva utvrda kakvom je smatramo."

Stavljajući socijalnu povredu u kontekst kratke evolucijske povijesti, Lieberman tvrdi da je pretapanje socijalnosti i individualnosti prije osnovno pomagalo u našem evolucijskom razvoju nego poremećen kvar.  On objašnjava:

"Naša socijalnost je satkana u seriju oklada koje evolucija potvrđuje svaki put iznova  kroz čitavu povijest sisavaca. Ove oklade dolaze u formi adaptacija koje su selektirane jer promoviraju opstanak i reprodukciju. Ove adaptacije povećavaju intenzitet spona koje osjećamo s onima oko nas i povećavaju kapacitet da predvidimo što se događa u umovima drugih kako bi bolje surađivali s njima. Bol socijalnog gubitka i načini kojima smijeh publike može utjecati na nas nije slučajnost. Do tih razmjera da evoluciju možemo karakterizirati kao dizajniranje naših modernih mozgova, to je ono zbog čega su našu mozgovi umreženi i povezani, da bi posegnuli i ušli u interakciju s drugima. Ovo su odlike dizajna, ne mane. Ove socijalne adaptacije su odlučujuće u stvaranju nas ljudi kao najsposobnije vrste na Zemlji.Implikacije ovog protežu se od intimnosti naših ljubavnih veza do zamršenosti organizacijskog menadžmenta i rada u timu."

Kao što postoje mnoge socijalne mreže poput Facebooka i Twittera, svaka sa svojim dosegom i snagom, tako postoje i mnoge socijalne mreže u našim mozgovima, setovi regija mozga koji rade na tome na promoviraju blagostanje  našeg Ja.

Svaka od ovih mreža ima svoju snagu te su se spojile u različitim momentima u evolucijskoj povijesti počevši od kralježnjaka preko sisavaca i primata do nas homo sapiensa. Svi ovi evolucijski koraci ponovljeni su istim slijedom tijekom djetinjstva.

Lieberman istražuje tri glavne adaptacije koje su nas učinile tako neraskidivo reagirajućima na socijalni svijet:

a) Povezanost: Puno prije nego što su postojali primati s neokorteksom, sisavci su se odvojili od kralježnjaka i razvili kapacitet da osjećaju socijalnu bol i užitak, zauvijek povezujući naše samoblagostanje sa socijalnom povezanošću. Dojenčad utjelovljuje ovu duboku potrebu da ostanemo povezanima, ali ta potreba prisutna je tijekom čitavog života.

b) Čitanje misli: Primati su razvili neparalenu mogućnost da razumiju akcije i misli onih oko njih, povećavši na taj način mogućnost da ostanemo povezani i ulazimo u interakciju strategijski.

c) Harmoniziranje: Osjećaj svogjaje jedan od najrecentnijih evolucijskih darova koje smo primili. Iako se čini da sejapojavljuje kao mehanizam koji nas razlikuje od drugih i naglašava našu samoživost, našejafunkcionira kao snažan izvor socijalne kohezije.

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                              What is love? - part 2

Inthe book“Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect” neuroscientist Matthew D. Lieberman, director of UCLA’s Social Cognitive Neuroscience lab, sets out to get clear about ‘who we are’ as social creatures and to reveal how a more accurate understanding of our social nature can improve our lives and our society. Lieberman, who has spent the past two decades using tools like fMRI to study how the human brain responds to its social context, has found over and over again that our brains aren’t merely simplistic mechanisms that only respond to pain and pleasure, but are instead wired to connect. At the heart of his inquiry is a simple question: Why do we feel such intense agony when we lose a loved one? He argues that, far from being a design flaw in our neural architecture, our capacity for such overwhelming grief is a vital feature of our evolutionary constitution.

"Our brains evolved to experience threats to our social connections in much the same way they experience physical pain. By activating the same neural circuitry that causes us to feel physical pain, our experience of social pain helps ensure the survival of our children by helping to keep them close to their parents. The neural link between social and physical pain also ensures that staying socially connected will be a lifelong need, like food and warmth. Given the fact that our brains treat social and physical pain similarly, should we as a society treat social pain differently than we do? We don’t expect someone with a broken leg to “just get over it.” And yet when it comes to the pain of social loss, this is a common response. The research that I and others have done using fMRI shows that how we experience social pain is at odds with our perception of ourselves. We intuitively believe social and physical pain are radically different kinds of experiences, yet the way our brains treat them suggests that they are more similar than we imagine.", says Lieberman.

Lieberman adds: "The neural basis for our personal beliefs overlaps significantly with one of the regions of the brain primarily responsible for allowing other people’s beliefs to influence our own. The self is more of a superhighway for social influence than it is the impenetrable private fortress we believe it to be."

Contextualizing it in a brief evolutionary history, Lieberman argues that this osmosis of sociality and individuality is an essential aid in our evolutionary development rather than an aberrant defect in it. He explains:

"Our sociality is woven into a series of bets that evolution has laid down again and again throughout mammalian history. These bets come in the form of adaptations that are selected because they promote survival and reproduction. These adaptations intensify the bonds we feel with those around us and increase our capacity to predict what is going on in the minds of others so that we can better coordinate and cooperate with them. The pain of social loss and the ways that an audience’s laughter can influence us are no accidents. To the extent that we can characterize evolution as designing our modern brains, this is what our brains were wired for: reaching out to and interacting with others. These are design features, not flaws. These social adaptations are central to making us the most successful species on earth. The implications of this span across everything from the intimacy of our personal relationships to the intricacy of organizational management and teamwork."

Just as there are multiple social networks on the Internet such as Facebook and Twitter, each with its own strengths, there are also multiple social networks in our brains, sets of brain regions that work together to promote our social well-being.

These networks each have their own strengths, and they have emerged at different points in our evolutionary history moving from vertebrates to mammals to primates to us, Homo sapiens. Additionally, these same evolutionary steps are recapitulated in the same order during childhood.

Lieberman goes on to explore three major adaptations that have made us so inextricably responsive to the social world:

Connection: Long before there were any primates with a neocortex, mammals split off from other vertebrates and evolved the capacity to feel social pains and pleasures, forever linking our well-being to our social connectedness. Infants embody this deep need to stay connected, but it is present through our entire lives.

Mindreading: Primates have developed an unparalleled ability to understand the actions and thoughts of those around them, enhancing their ability to stay connected and interact strategically.

Harmonizing: The sense of self is one of the most recent evolutionary gifts we have received. Although the self may appear to be a mechanism for distinguishing us from others and perhaps accentuating our selfishness, the self actually operates as a powerful force for social cohesiveness.

Što je ljubav? - part 1

"Časna ljubavna veza, ona u kojoj dvoje ljudi imaju pravo upotrebljavati riječ "ljubav" je proces, delikatan, nasilan, često zastrašujuć objema osobama koje su uključene, proces redefiniranja istina koje jedno može reći drugome.

Važno je činiti ovo jer se na taj način prekida samo-iluzija i izolacija.

Važno je činiti ovo jer smo na taj način pravedni prema vlastitoj kompleksnosti.

Važno je činiti ovo je možemo računati na tako malo ljudi da će otići tako daleko s nama.", rekla je  američka pjesnikinja Adrienne Rich.

Oscar Wilde je pak rekao kako zaljubiti se podrazumijeva trijumf nade nad poznavanjem sebe. Zaljubljujemo se u nadi da u drugome nećemo naći  ono što znamo da je u nama, sav kukavičluk, slabost, lijenost, neiskrenost, kompromis i glupost. Bacamo kordon ljubavi prema izabranoj osobi i odlučujemo da sve što ta osoba jest, jest ono što je slobodno od svih mana.  Samim time ona je voljiva. U njoj/njemu lociramo savršenstvo koje nemamo u sebi, a kroz uniju, zajednicu i dalje se nadamo da će naša vjera u ljudsku vrstu opstati.  

Toliko puta opjevana u pjesmi, opisana u romanu i naslikana na platnu, definirana čak i od strane znanstvenika, ljubav je od kad postoji čovjek, centralna tema čovjekova promišljanja. Što je to u njoj da je umjetnici, kao ljudi izraženog senzibiliteta i imaginacije, imaju potrebe obrađivati u takvoj mjeri? Mogu li znanstvenici uopće opisati nešto tako apstraktno i amorfno kao što je ljubav? I što ljubav uopće jest? Odakle ona dolazi, kako radi i što znači za ljude?

Hipokrat je još davne 450. godine prije Krista govorio kako emocije dolaze iz mozga. No, sljedećih nekoliko tisuća godina znanost nije mogla ponuditi  detalje emotivnog života, dakle što ljubav zaista jest pa je stoga pitanje ljubavi uvijek nekako najviše bilo vezano za umjetnost.

Danas znanost o ljubavi zna ipak nešto više pa tako biologijska antropologinja Helen Fisher u svom djelu "Zašto volimo: Priroda i kemija romantične ljubavi" (Why We Love: The nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love),  govori o spoju neurokemije i bajke, o spoju hormona i neurotransmitera koji nas dovode do toga da osjećamo emocije koje osjećamo te pričica koje si pričamo o tim emocijama.

Fisher objašnjava kako postoje tri komponente ljubavi od kojih svaka uključuje drugačiji, ali povezan dio mozga:

1. Požuda – vođena androgenom i estrogenom to je čežnja za seksualnim  zadovoljenjem  

2. Privlačenje – karakterizira ga visoka razina dopamina i noradrenalina te niska razina serotonina

Privlačenje ide od euforije, kada su stvari super do groznih promjena raspoloženja kada stvar nisu OK. Prate ga fokusirana pozornost, opsesivno razmišljanje i intenzivna čežnja za pojedincem.

3.  Privrženost – njom zapovijedaju hormoni oksitocin i vazopresin te se povezuje s osjećajem smirenosti, mira i stabilnosti koje osoba osjeća s dugogodišnjim partnerom.

Joe Hanson ide još dalje sa svojom studijom "OK je biti pametan" (It’s Okay To Be Smart) te objašnjava kako nas potraga za izvanzemaljskim životom može naučiti koju o izgledima za pronalazak te romanticizirane srodne duše, putem korištenja Fermijevog paradoksa, Drakeove jednadžbe i lekcija o ljubavi Carla Sagana koji je svojim životom i radom dokazao da zna koju o mudrosti srca.  

Fermijev paradoks koji je dobio ime prema fizičaru Enricu Fermiu podrazumijeva očitu kontradikciju između visokih očekivanja i vjerojatnosti postojanja izanzemaljske civilizacije te nedostatka ljudskog kontakta s istim ili dokaza da takve civilizacije zaista postoje.

Taj paradoks počiva na sljedećim pretpostavkama:

Sunce je tipična zvijezda i relativno mlada. Postoje milijarde zvijezda u galaksiji koje su milijarde godina starije. Gotovo sigurno neke od ovih zvijezda će pored sebe imati planete nalik Zemlji. Pretpostavljajući da je Zemlja tipičan planet, neki od ovih planeta bi mogli razviti inteligentan život. Neke od ovih civilizacija bi mogle razviti međuzvjezdano putovanje, tehnologiju koju Zemljani još uvijek istražuju. Čak i sporim tempom trenutačno zamišljenog međuzvjezdanog putovanja, galaksija bi mogla biti potpuno kolonizirana u nekoliko desetaka milijuna godina.

Drakeova jednadžba je jednadžba koja daje procjenu broja civilizacija u našoj galaksiji koje su sposobne i voljne komunicirati sa Zemljanima. Osmislio ju je američki astronom Frank Drake sa Sveučilišta Cornell.

Što se tiče Carla Sagana priča ide ovako:

Dvije svemirske letjelice su 1977. napustile Zemlju – Voyager 1 i 2. Misija im je bila istražiti same rubove našeg Sunčevog sustava.

Osim niza znanstvenih instrumenata te ostalih stvari vezanih uz sam rad letjelice, oba Voyagera prenosila su i zlatnu ploču s porukom za bilo koga tko nabasa na nju. Odbor predvođen slavnim znanstvenikom Carlom Saganom pomogao je NASA-i smisliti kako bi poruka koju će svemirske letjelice nositi izgledati i što bi trebale sadržavati.

Voyagerove zlatne ploče su zapravo gramofonske ploče napravljene od pozlaćenog bakra pohranjene u aluminijski omot. Na koricama zlatne 'longplejke' nalaze se slikovni dijagrami koji opisuju gdje se nalazi Zemlja, kojom brzinom se treba vrtjeti ploča i kako shvatiti što sadržava.

U cijelu priču nekoliko je godina nakon uskočila filmašica Penny Lane koja je snimila kratak film The Voyagers, remiksirajući snimke dostupne javnosti i koristeći priču o međuzvjezdanom putovanju i Voyagerovim zlatnim pločama kako bi ispričala još veću i ljepšu priču, priču o ljubavi i daru šanse. Lane Saganove zlatne ploče, projekt koji je Sagan napravio sa svojom dugogodišnjom suradnicom i životnom partnericom koja je ujedno bila i kreativna direktorica cijelog Golden Record projekta, preuzima kao simbol sićušne šanse da bi u nekom dalekom vremenu i mjestu mogli ostvariti neki kontakt s nekim.  

"Nekoliko tisuća milijardi godina je jako dug period. Nitko ne može znati što će se dogoditi. Zašto ne pokušati? Zašto ne posegnuti za nečim nevjerojatnim? Ne postoji način da se spriječi ono što ne možemo dokučiti, ne postoji način da pogodimo od koje patnje se nastojimo zaštiti. Morati znati da kako bi voljeli moramo riskirati sve, moramo se otvoriti kontaktu, čak i s mogućnošću katastrofe.", poručuje ovaj filmić.

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What is love? - part 1 

An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love” — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.

It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity.

It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us., said poet Adrienne Rich.

Oscar Wilde said that to fall into love involves the triumph of hope over self-knowledge. We fall in love hoping that we will not find in the other what we know is in ourselves – all the cowardice, weakness, laziness, dishonesty, compromise and brute stupidity. We throw a cordon of love around the chosen one, and decide that everything that lies within it will somehow be free of our faults and hence lovable. We locate inside another a perfection that eludes us within ourselves, and through union with the beloved, hope somehow to maintain [against evidence of all self-knowledge] a precarious faith in the species.

So many times celebrated in a song, described in a novel, and painted on canvas, defined even by scientists, love is, since there is man, the central theme of man's thinking. What is it about love that artists, as people of expressed sensibility and imagination, have a need to process to such an extent? Can scientists even describe something so abstract and amorphous as love? And what is love? Where does it come from, how does it work and what does it mean to people?

Hippocrates, as far back as 450. BC, was saying that emotions come from the brain. But in the next few thousand years, science couldn't provide details of the emotional life, that is what love really is and therefore the question of love was somehow mostly related to art.

Today, science knows a little bit more about love, so biological anthropologist Helen Fisher in her book "Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love" talks about the combination of neurochemistry and fairy tales, the combination of hormones and neurotransmitters which cause us to feel the emotions we feel and the stories that we tell ourselves about these emotions.

Fisher explains that there are three components of love, each of which includes a different but related area of  the brain:

1. Lust – driven by androgen and estrogen it is the longing for sexual gratification

2. Attraction - is characterized by high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine and low levels of serotonin

Attraction goes from euphoria when things are great to terrible mood swings when things are not OK. It is followed by focused attention, obsessive thinking, and intense longing for the loved one.

3. Attachment – is commanded by hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, and is associated with a sense of calm, peace and stability that one feels with a longtime partner.

Joe Hanson goes even further with his studies "It's OK to be smart" and explains how the search for extraterrestrial life can teach us about the prospects for finding that romanticized soulmate, through the use of the Fermi paradox, Drake equation and lessons of love from Carl Sagan, who with his life and work has demonstrated that he knows a few thing about the wisdom of the heart.

The Fermi paradox is the apparent contradiction between high estimates of the probability of the existence of extraterrestrial civilizations and humanity's lack of contact with, or evidence for, such civilizations. The basic points of the argument, made by physicists Enrico Fermi are:

The Sun is a typical star, and relatively young. There are billions of stars in the galaxy that are billions of years older.

Almost surely, some of these stars will have Earth-like planets. Assuming the Earth is typical, some of these planets may develop intelligent life.

Some of these civilizations may develop interstellar travel, a technology Earth is investigating even now.

Even at the slow pace of currently envisioned interstellar travel, the galaxy can be completely colonized in a few tens of millions of years.

The Drake equation is a probabilistic argument used to estimate the number of active, communicative extraterrestrial civilizations. The equation was written in 1961 by Frank Drake.

As far as Carl Sagan, the story goes like this:

In 1977, NASA launched two unmanned missions into space, Voyager 1 and Voyager 2.  Attached to each Voyager is a gold-plated record, known as The Golden Record — an epic compilation of images and sounds from Earth for anybody who comes in conntact with it. The Committee headed by the famous scientist Carl Sagan helped NASA to come up with the message that will be carried by the spacecrafts, how it will look like and what it should contain.

Voyager golden records are actually vinyl records made of gilded copper stored in an aluminum wrapper. On the cover of  these gold 'playing records' are pictorial diagrams that describe where the Earth is, what the speed of  spinning the records is and how to understand what it contains.

A few years later, filmmaker Penny Lane jumped into the story who made a short film The Voyagers which is a beautiful short film made of remixed public domain footage, using the story of the legendary interstellar journey and the Golden Record to tell a bigger, beautiful story about love and the gift of chance.

Lane takes Sagan's Gold record, a project that Sagan made ​with his longtime collaborator and life partner who was also the creative director of the entire Golden Record project, as a symbol of tiny chance that at some distant time and place we can establish contact with someone.

"A thousand billion years is a really long time. Nobody can know what will happen. Why not try? Why not reach for something amazing?’ There is no way to forestall what can’t be fathomed, no way to guess what hurts we’re trying to protect ourselves from. We have to know in order to love, we have to risk everything, we have to open ourselves up to contact — even with the possibility of disaster.”, says this short film.