Činjenica da se tako olako razmećemo terminom „kurva“ govori koliko smo opsjednuti djevičanstvom i ženskom seksualnosti općenito. Ako si žena, onda je vrijedno biti „čista“, ne biti „laka“, biti ta koja čuva svoje tijelo kao hram te uspomenu na sveto djevičanstvo koje je nekad imala. I mi žene bi zaista trebale čuvati svoj tijelo kao hram, ali ne u smislu da ćemo ga do kraja života doživljavati kao posudu u kojoj se nekad nalazila sveta voda djevičanstva, nego kao hram u koji smiju ulaziti samo probrani penisi, oni koji će nas tretirati kako zaslužujemo, oni koji nas neće povrijediti i iskoristiti. Stvar je tim gora što je društvu čistoća žene bitnija nego ženi samoj. Društvo je to koje nas naziva kurvama, koje broji s koliko smo muškaraca spavale. Pri tom na površinu isplivava nekoliko problema:
1. Sama definicija djevičanstva prilično je nelogična
Djevičanstvo je definirano kao stanje osobe koja nikada nije imala spolni odnos. Pritom mišljenja nisu ujednačena smatra li se gubitkom djevičanstvom samo prodiranje spolnog uda u rodnicu (žena time gubi djevičanski zalistak koji je dokaz njena djevičanstva, dok kod muškaraca ne postoji tjelesni dokaz) uz pristanak, ili se njime mogu smatrati i oralni i analni spolni odnos, samozadovoljavanje ili silovanje. Ali primijetit ćemo da se pojam „seks“ u 99% slučajeva definira kao penetracija penisa u rodnicu. Kad smo kod definicija spomenimo i definiciju seksa koja kaže: „Normalnim spolnim odnosom najčešće se smatra tjelesni kontakt između žene i muškarca, putem penetracije muškog spolovila u ženski spolni organ.“ Uopće se neću zadržavati na tome koliko sam alergična na uporabu pojma „normalno“ u definicijama, pogotovo jer se ovdje riječ „normalno“ povezuje s heteroseksualnim, što je dokaz homofobnih stavova u definiranju djevičanstva. U svakom slučaju, djevičanstvo podrazumijeva stanje u kojem nekoj osobi penis nikada nije ušao u rodnicu. Što je onda s ljudima koji prakticiraju druge vrste seksa –analni, oralni, penetraciju pomoću seksualnih igračaka? Oni prema toj logici nisu nikada ni mogli biti djevice ili djevci.
2. Isticanje himena kao dokaz djevičanstva
Himen iliti tanki sloj tkiva koji prekriva otvor vagine ne gubi se nužno gubitkom djevičanstva. Neke djevojčice rađaju se bez njega, a mnoge ga nesvjesno potrgaju tokom jahanja konja, sportskih aktivnosti, stavljanja tampona ili masturbiranja. Pri tom one u nekim slučajevima ne mogu znati da se puknuće himena zaista i dogodilo jer može biti malo ili nimalo krvi ili bolova prilikom njegovog pucanja. Ostaci himena su obično prisutni dok žena ne rodi prvo dijete vaginalnim putem.
3. Definiranje djevičanstva kao heteroseksualnog
Djevičanstvo se oslanja na to da ste heteroseksualna, ženska osoba. Djevičanstvo tako briše iskustva lezbijki, gayeva, biseksualnih, queer i drugih ne–heteroseksualnih osoba. Djevičanstvo podrazumijeva da ste heteroseksualni i ne uzima u obzir bilo koju drugačiju vrstu seksualnog izražavanja. Budući da je djevičanstvo u heteronormativnoj kutiji, ne ostavlja mjesta za one koji ne pripadaju rodno binarnim ili drugim, takozvanim 'konvencionalnim' oblicima seksualnosti.
4. Isticanje „ženskog“ u definiciji pojma „djevičanstvo“
Zašto je toliko bitno da je žena ta koja je čista, koja čuva svoje djevičanstvo, a za muškarca isto nije bitno? I ne samo da za muškarca nije bitno da li je djevac ili ne, nego je dapače poželjno da bude jebač. Da znam, svima nam taj velebni zaključak o tome kako su muškarci jebači, a žene drolje već ide na kurac, toliko puta smo to ustvrdili, ali ako već toliko dobro znamo to, zašto i dalje žene nazivamo kurvama i prozivamo ih jer nisu dovoljno „čiste“?
5. Pitanje vlasništvo nad ženskim djevičanstvom
Zašto djevičanstvo ne bi pripadalo ženi i zašto žena ne može biti ta koja odlučuje što želi s njim i u kojoj mjeri ga želi posjedovati? Zašto drugi odlučuju je li žena kurva? Uostalom, reći da je netko kurva i time dovesti u pitanje njeno djevičanstvo, odnosno čistoću, znači optužiti nekog na temelju PRETPOSTAVKI o seksualnom životu te osobe.
6. Isticanje važnosti seksualnog u definiranju nečije vrijednosti i problem ideje prvog susreta penisa i vagine
Zar je seksualna čistoća žene, odnosno ženska seksualnost jedini relevantan aspekt ženske ličnosti? Kada smo utvrdili da vrijednost neke osobe leži isključivo u njenoj seksualnosti?
Prvi susret genitalija glorificira se kao nešto značajno. I zaista, taj seks jest super stvar kao i orgazmi koje dolaze u paketu, ali ipak nije toliko značajan da bi toliko trajno determinirao važnost nečije ličnosti. A kad već toliko razmišljamo o tome koliko se žene jebu, zašto se nikad ne pitamo zašto se toliko žena toliko jebe, a zašto toliko malo žena svršava u isto vrijeme?
7. Isticanje gubitka djevičanstva kao velike životne prekretnice
Činjenica da se seksate ne mijenja baš ništa na vama, niti u vama. I dalje ste ista osoba koja svoj identitet razvija ovisno o jako puno faktora u životu, a to svakako nisu činjenica seksate se ili ne i koliko. Ti faktori su prvenstveno okolina u kojoj odrastate, obrazovanje, količina sranja koja vam se događa u život…Reći da će vas gubitak nevinosti i sudjelovanje u snošaju zauvijek promijeniti je kao da kažete da vam je prvi put kad ste se vozili autom promijenio život ili da vam je ona pita od krušaka koju ste nekidan ispekli promijenila život, ali realno broj vožnji autom ili broj zalogaja one pite od krušaka zaista nije krucijalan za vaš život, dapače prilično je nebitan.
8. Isticanje djevičanstva kao robe
Žene su naučene da je njihova nevinost vrijedna. Čim je nešto vrijedno s tim se može trgovati, a time seksualnost automatski postaje roba. Ako je 'izgube' na pogrešan način, odnosno s krivom osobom i u krivo vrijeme, žene će biti obilježene kao 'lake', ili će čak biti nazivane 'oštećenima' i 'očajnima'. Isto tako djevičanstvo je konstruirano tako da žene prosuđujemo na temelju toga kako i kada su se počele seksati. Gubitak nevinosti u krivoj dobi (najčešće 'premlada'), u krivo vrijeme ('prerano' u vezi ili izvan veze), s pogrešnom osobom (najčešće s nekim koga 'ne voliš') ili krivim osjećajima (zbog bilo kojeg drugog razloga, osim ljubavi prema partneru) definira cijenu „robe“ .
9. Pitanje djevičanstva je zapravo pitanje vlasništva
Čitava ideja ženskog djevičanstva svoje korijene ima u doživljavanju žena kao vlasništva.Budući da se žene smatralo vlasništvom, one su udajom prešle iz vlasništva svoga oca u vlasništvo supruga. Upravo tradicija po kojoj otac vodi svoju kćer kroz crkvu predstavlja prijenos vlasništva s oca na supruga. Otac je doslovno daruje drugome. U tom je pogledu ženska seksualna čistoća/nevinost bila je ( i očito još uvijek jest) jako važna.
10. Djevičanstvo je zapravo (religijski) nametnut konstrukt
Djevičanstvo, odnosno nevinostpojam je proistekao iz vjerskih stavova kako je spolno odnošenje grijeh. Seksualnost je, naravno, bila regulirana kroz religiju što je seks učinilo sramotnim i tabuom, ako je izvan braka. I za najveći broj kontracepcija je bila nedostupna i bilo je važno da žene zbog toga ostanu djevicama, kako bi svojim supruzima osigurale čistoću njihova potomstva. Drugim riječima, djevičanstvo je služilo kao srednjovjekovni oblik testa očinstva.
Ideja da je netko bolji, a netko lošiji ovisno o tome koliko se seksa je u najmanju ruku smiješna. Činjenica da još uvijek postoji nešto kao što je ideja djevičanstva govori koliko krivu percepciju djevojke imaju o sebi i svom tijelu. A kriva percepcija vlastitog tijela i seksualnosti dovodi do jako puno tužnih, oštećenih žena. Žene zbog takvih stvari imaju izrazito nisko samopoštovanje, nimalo samopouzdanja, predugo ostaju u lošim vezama i općenito se kažnjavaju na bezbroj načina. Majke bi ozbiljno trebale početi učiti svoje kćeri da njihova sposobnost da budu dobre osobe ne leži u tome jesu li seksualno aktivne, nego u tome koliko su inteligentne, moralne, sposobne, ambiciozne…Mislim da je krajnje vrijeme da a) nas počne bolit kurac tko se s kim jebe i zašto i b) shvatimo kako moralni kompasi ne leže među nogama
Djevičanstvo je samo konstrukt stvoren kako bi se kontrolirana ženska seksualnost. Mislite da nismo kontrolirane? A koliko često upotrebljavate riječ kurva? Uporaba te riječi nije ništa drugo do pokušaj kontroliranja ženske seksualnosti, ta riječ je dapače samo jedan u nizu pokušaja kontroliranja ženske seksualnosti.
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Who still needs virginity?
The fact that we so casually flaunt the term "whore" tells how obsessed we are with virginity and female sexuality in general. If you're a woman, then it is important to be "pure", not "easy", to be the one who treats her body like a temple, and cherishes the memory of holy virginity she once had. And we women shouldreally see our body as a temple, but not in the sense that until the end of our life we see it as a vessel in which we once held sacred water of virginity, but as a temple inwhich only selectedpenises can enter, the ones whichwill treat usthe way we deserve, which will not hurtus and take advantage of. The point is evenworse since the purity of a women is more important to the society than it is to thewoman. Society calls us whores, society counts how many mendid we sleep with. Few problems arise to the surface in such way of thinking:
1. The very definition of virginity is quite illogical
Virginity is defined as a condition of a person who has never had sexual intercourse. At the same time views on whether the loss of virginity means only penetration of the penis into the vagina (women then lose the hymen which is the proof of virginity , while for men there is no physical evidence ) with the consent, or can we by it consider oral and anal sex, masturbation and rape. But we will notice that the term "sex" is in 99 % of cases defined as penetration of the penis into the vagina. Speaking of definitions, let’s mention the definition of sex which says: “Normal sexual intercourse is usually considered to be physical contact between men and women, through the penetration of the male genitalia in the female genitalia " I will not even start on how allergic I am to the use of the term " normal " in definitions , especially because here the word " normal " is associated with heterosexual , which is clear evidence of homophobic attitudes in defining virginity. In any case, virginity is a state of a person who has never experienced entrance of the penis into the vagina . What is it with people who practice other types of sex - anal , oral , penetration using sex toys ? According to this logic they could never be virgins.
Virginity is defined as a condition of a person who has never had sexual intercourse. At the same time views on whether the loss of virginity means only penetration of the penis into the vagina (women then lose the hymen which is the proof of virginity , while for men there is no physical evidence ) with the consent, or can we by it consider oral and anal sex, masturbation and rape. But we will notice that the term "sex" is in 99 % of cases defined as penetration of the penis into the vagina. Speaking of definitions, let’s mention the definition of sex which says: “Normal sexual intercourse is usually considered to be physical contact between men and women, through the penetration of the male genitalia in the female genitalia " I will not even start on how allergic I am to the use of the term " normal " in definitions , especially because here the word " normal " is associated with heterosexual , which is clear evidence of homophobic attitudes in defining virginity. In any case, virginity is a state of a person who has never experienced entrance of the penis into the vagina . What is it with people who practice other types of sex - anal , oral , penetration using sex toys ? According to this logic they could never be virgins.
2. Pointing hymen as proof of virginity
Hymen or thin layer of tissue that covers theopening of the vagina isn’t necessary lost with the loss of virginity. Somegirls are born without it, and many unconsciouslytorn it during horseback riding, sports activities, puttingtampons or masturbation. At the same in some cases they might not even know that the rupture of hymen actually happened because there may be little or no blood or pain. Remnants of the hymen areusually present when a woman gives birth to her first child vaginally.
3. Defining virginity as heterosexual
Virginity is based on the fact that you are a heterosexual, femaleperson. Virginity so erases experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, queerand other non-heterosexual people. Chastity means that you are heterosexual and doesn’t take into account different kinds of sexual expression. Being a virgin inheteronormative box, leaves no room for those who do not belong to the genderbinary or other, so-called 'conventional' forms of sexuality.
4. Highlighting the "female" in the definition of the term "virginity"
Why is it so important that only the female is the one who is pure, who cherishes her virginity, and fora male such things don’t matter? And not only that with men it does not matter whether they are virgins or not, but for a man it is indeed desirable to be a fucker, a lover. Yes, we all knowabout the grand conclusionabout how men are fuckers and womensluts, we mentioned it so many times,but if we alreadyknow it sowell, why do we continue to call women whores and denouncethem because they are not “pure” enough "?
5. The issue of ownership of women's virginity
Why wouldn’t virginity belong to the woman andwhy wouldn’t a woman be the one who decides what she wants to do with it and to what extent she wants to own it? Why others decide whether a woman is a whore? After all, to say that someone is a whore and thus jeopardizeher virginity orchastity, means to accuse that person based onASSUMPTIONS about thesex life of that person.
6. Highlighting the importance of sex in defining one'svalues and the problem with the idea of the first meeting of the penisand vagina
Why is sexual purity of women, and female sexuality in general, only relevantaspect of women's personality? When did we determine that a person's value lies solelyin her sexuality?
The first meeting of genitals is glorified as something significant. And really, that sex is a great thing as orgasmsthat come in the package, but it is not significantin a way that it would permanentlydetermine the importance of one's personality. And when we spent so much time thinking about how women fuck, why do we neverwonder why so many women have sex and yet such a small number reaches orgasms?
7. Highlighting the loss of virginity as a majorturning point in life
The fact that you have sex does not change a thing on you or inside of you. You're still the same person who evolves her identity depending on a lot of factors in life, and are youhaving sex or notand how much are not one of those factors. Those factors are primarilyenvironment in which you grow up, education, the amount of shit thathappens in your life ... To say that the loss of innocence andparticipation in intercourseforever changed youis like to say that the first time youdrove a car changed your life or that when you had that pear pie you made the other day changed your life, but really the number of trips by car or the number ofsnacks of that pearpie are not reallycrucial to your life, quite the contrary, they are irrelevant.
8. Highlighting virginity as goods
Women are taught that their innocence is worth. As soon as something has worth it can be traded, and therefore sexuality automatically becomes seen as goods. If you 'lose' it in the wrong way or withthe wrong person inthe wrong time, you will be labeled as 'easy', or you can even be called 'damaged' and 'desperate'. Also virginity is designed in a way that women are judged based on how andwhen they started to have sex. The loss of innocence in the wrong age (usually 'too young'), at the wrong time (' too early' in the relationship or out of the relationship), with the wrong person (usually someone she didn’t love ) or with wrong feelings(for any reason other than love) defines the price of the "goods".
9. The issue of virginity is really a question of ownership
The whole idea of woman's virginityhas its roots in the perception of women asproperty. Since women were considered property, with marriage they would cross from their father's property in the property of their husband. The very tradition in which the father takes his daughter through the church represents this transfer of ownership from father to husband. The father literally gives his daughter to another. In this sense, female sexualpurity / virginitywas (and apparentlystill is) very important.
10. Virginity is actually a (religious) imposed construct
Virginity or innocence is the term derived from religious attitudesthat sex is a sin. Sexuality was, of course, governedby religion which made sex look shameful anda taboo, if it happened outside of marriage. And for the most people, contraception was unavailableso it was important that women remain virginsso they could ensure their husbands the purity of their offspring. In other words, virginity has served as a medieval form of paternity test.
The idea that someone is better and someone is worse depending on how much sex does he/she has is at least funny. The fact that there is still something like the idea of virginity tells us how many girls have wrong perception about themselves and their body. A false perception of body and sexuality leads to a lot of sad, broken women. Because of these things, women have very low self-esteem, no confidence, they remain in bad relationships for too long and generally punish themselves in countless ways. Mothers should seriously start teaching their daughters that the ability to be a good person does not lie in whether they are sexually active, but in how intelligent, moral, capable, ambitious etc. they are. I think it is about time that a) we begin not to give a fuck who fucks whom b ) we understand that our moral compasses are not lying between our legs
Virginity is just a construct created to control female sexuality. You think we are not controlled ? And how often do you use the word whore ? The use of that word is nothing more than an attempt to control women's sexuality , and this word is indeed just one of many attempts to control female sexuality .
text written by Iva
text edited by Iva
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