Pisac i filozof Alain de Botton rekao je: „Što pomnije analiziramo što smatramo sexy, to ćemo jasnije shvatiti da je erotičnost osjećaj uzbuđenja koji nas prožima kada upoznamo drugo ljudsko biće koje dijeli naše vrijednosti i osjećaj za smisao postojanja.“ Američka autorica Naomi Wolf objasnila je to još bolje u svojoj knjizi „Vagina: Nova biografija“ („Vagina: A New Biography“), objavljenoj prije nešto više od godinu dana. Radi se o istraživanju neshvaćene umno-tjelesne povezanosti između mozga i genitalija, svjesnog i nesvjesnog, seksualnog. Ono što je u tekstu posebno podcrtano je otkriće koliko zapravo tjelesno iskustvo utječe na svaki aspekt života žene, od stesa do kreativnosti i to kroz zamršenu mašineriju koja povezu biologiju i samo postojanje. Wolfova je inače poznata i po svojoj knjizi „Mit o ljepoti“ („The Beauty Myth“) iz 1991. U ovoj svojevrsnoj feminističkoj Bibliji, autorica na potresan način izlaže povijest suvremene urbane žene, robinje mita o ljepoti te kaže: „Slično je i sa ženskom seksualnosti: kako joj je cijelo tijelo osjetljivo na dodir, kako joj treba i nježnosti i seksa, kako su joj erotske fantazije prilično složene, žena se, prije ili kasnije u životu nađe u situaciji da glumata pred muškarcem, u strahu da ga svojom erotskom proždrljivošću ne otjera. Nije lijepo pokazati svoju želju u punini, kaže nam mit o ljepoti, to je podjednako loše kao komentirati penis, ili, ne daj bože, pisati o njemu. Uz to, u ženu je odmalena usađena misao da je iz ovog ili onog razloga neprivlačna, možda ima debele ili tanke noge, veliku ili malu stražnjicu, premale ili prevelike grudi, te je bolje da vodi ljubav u mraku i ne priča o svojim orgazmičkim potencijalima. Nikada i nikome. I sve to zbog mita o ljepoti, koji je toliko moćan, da ga gotovo i ne zamjećujemo.“
I zaista, nismo li sve, žrtve uhvaćene u vrtlog vlastitih kompleksa? Štoviše, ne dosežu li naši kompleksi i do naših vagina? Ženi zaista jest usađena misao da je neprivlačna i da se konstantno mora boriti da bude ljepša i poželjnija. Pri tom ne samo da smatramo kako imamo prevelike stražnjice, premale grudi ili previše masnih naslaga oko trbuha, nego smo uvjerene kako i ono naše najintimnije nije dovoljno lijepo i poželjno, a pritom mislim na vaše vagine. Smatram da to najviše dokazuju tri primjera:
a) Od nas se očekuje da ga oralno zadovoljimo, dok se isto ne podrazumijeva za nas. Mi bi trebale biti sretne ako se on odluči spustiti dolje jer eto pička je nešto prljavo. Tko bi pobogu htio zać' u te prostore?
b) Trend posebno popularan u Velikoj Britaniji zadnjih par godina – labioplastika odnosno korekcija vanjskog dijela ženskog spolovila. U nekom trenu više nije bilo dovoljno da oderemo svaku dlačicu brazilskim i egipatskim depilacijama pa smo se pod utjecajem pornića koji nude posve nerealan prikaz ljudskog tijela i seksa odlučile na preoblikovanje ili smanjivanje stidnih usana. Pritom se „suvišna“ koža vagine odstranjuje kao da ste komad mesa koje mesar trančira u mesnici. I tu ulogu ne igraju samo pornići nego časopisi na kojima se vagine smanjuju do nerealno malih veličina.
c) Riječ vaginaili pogotovo pička gotovo uvijek posjeduju negativnu konotaciju ili se bar radi o riječima koje izgovaramo potiho. Pritom zaboravljamo da riječ pička nije prosta riječ, nego je naš odnos prema toj riječi prost!
Za potrebe ovog teksta napravila sam mini istraživanje u kojem se ispitanicama postavila pitanje koja je prva asocijacija koja im padne na pamet kada pomisle na svoju vaginu. Osobno, meni je to sram, sram zbog same činjenice da se radi o vagini, sram zbog mog seksualnog života… Kroz pisanje ovog bloga prilično sam se pomirila sa svojom seksualnošću i vaginom, raspisala sve boli koje su išle uz to i bar donekle pomogla kojoj ženi da učini isto, ali i dalje mislim da se na temu ženske seksualnosti još jako puno toga mora reći i razjasniti. Jer tek onda kad u potpunosti shvatimo svoju vaginu i svoju seksualnost bit ćemo potpuno slobodne i maksimalno ćemo uživati u seksu. A sad pogledajmo što su rekle moje ispitanice:
1. P.P. (26 godina): Smijeh, u smislu „hihi, nešto prosto“
2. I.P. (25 godina): Swagina
3. K.Z. (23 godine): - Kada se sjetim svoje vagine, onda mi dođu pridjevi "meni lijepa", "mome momku lijepa", "pufaste, velike labije" i sjetim se iznenađenja (i straha!) kada mi je dečko prvi put vidio vaginu izvana, jer su moje labije bile veće od labija njegove prijašnje djevojke, ali i većine djevojaka koje je vidio na pornićima (amaterskim).
4. I.K. (28 godina): Seks!
5. D.Z. (23 godine): Kad se sjetim svoje vagine, na pameti su mi druge žene!
6.P.K. (27 godina): Sočno!
7. K.D. (27 godina): „Vagina=cvijet kaže moj muž, vagina=leptirici u trbuhu kažem ja“
8. M.B. (20 godina): Prvo sta mi je palo na pamet osim jednomjesečnog krvarenja je diskriminacija dlakavosti, odnosno ako žena ima dlakavu to je onda fuj, ne brine o sebi itd., a ako muško ima dlakavog onda je to kakti "normalno"
9. N.P. (29 godina): Ja bas ne volim svoju vaginu posebno, mislim da je pomalo ružnjikava, daleko od porno ideala. Recimo da nemam samopouzdanja na tom polju, sto je grozno jer volim oralni sex:/
10. H.H (30 godina) : Vlažna i moćna.
11. M.T. (24 godine): Dinja
12. T.K. (25 godina): Breskvica
13. S.S. ( 23 godine): Vaginini monolozi
14. M. K. (30 godina): My precious
15. Z.B. (30 godina): Meni jedino pada na pamet posjet ginekologu...
Asocijacije sam podijelila u dvije grupe: 1) pozitivne asocijacije i 2) negativne asocijacije
1) Pozitivne asocijacije: „Swagina“, „Vlažna i moćna“, „Seks“, „Kad se sjetim svoje vagine, na pameti su mi druge žene!“, „Sočno“, „Vaginini monolozi“, „Dinja“, „Breskvica“, „My precious“, „Meni lijepa", „Pufaste, velike labije“, „Vagina=cvijet kaže moj muž, vagina=leptirici u trbuhu kažem ja“
2) Negativne asocijacije: „Smijeh, u smislu „hihi, nešto prosto“, „Sjetim se iznenađenja (i straha!) kada mi je dečko prvi put vidio vaginu izvana, jer su moje labije bile veće od labija njegove prijašnje djevojke, ali i većine djevojaka koje je vidio na pornićima (amaterskim)“, „Ja bas ne volim svoju vaginu posebno, mislim da je pomalo ružnjikava, daleko od porno ideala. Recimo da nemam samopouzdanja na tom polju, sto je grozno jer volim oralni sex:/“, „Prvo sta mi je palo na pamet osim jednomjesečnog krvarenja je diskriminacija dlakavosti, odnosno ako žena ima dlakavu to je onda fuj, ne brine o sebi itd., a ako muško ima dlakavog onda je to kakti "normalno"“, „Meni jedino pada na pamet posjet ginekologu..“
Pozitivne asocijacije u meni su izazvale onaj aaw efekt. Bila sam ponosna i sretna zbog pozitivnog i rekla bih, moćnog stava koji cure imaju prema svojim vaginama. To je dokaz zdravog seksualnog života i odnosa prema svom tijelu. Međutim, negativne asocijacije, koliko god sam ih očekivala, dokaz su iskrivljene percepcije koju mi žene posjedujemo prema svom tijelu i seksualnosti. Rečenica: „Smijeh, u smislu „hihi, nešto prosto“ rezultat je višestoljetnog ispiranja mozga činjenicom kako su seks i genitalije nešto prosto, prljavo i animalno. Dok su rečenice: „Sjetim se iznenađenja (i straha!) kada mi je dečko prvi put vidio vaginu izvana, jer su moje labije bile veće od labija njegove prijašnje djevojke, ali i većine djevojaka koje je vidio na pornićima (amaterskim)“, „Ja bas ne volim svoju vaginu posebno, mislim da je pomalo ružnjikava, daleko od porno ideala. Recimo da nemam samopouzdanja na tom polju, sto je grozno jer volim oralni sex:/“ i „Prvo sta mi je palo na pamet osim jednomjesečnog krvarenja je diskriminacija dlakavosti, odnosno ako žena ima dlakavu to je onda fuj, ne brine o sebi itd., a ako muško ima dlakavog onda je to kakti "normalno" “ , dokaz su krive percepcije seksa i tijela koji su nam nametnuli porno filmovi u kojima glumice savršeno izdepilirane, s nerealno lijepim, sićušnim vaginama, glume maloumne krave za brzo oplođivanje ili bolje rečeno brzu penetraciju u kojem je njegov vrhunac vrlo vidljiv, a njem vrhunski odglumljen. A što se tiče odlaska kod ginekologa, osim što sam posjet ginekologu nije najugodnija stvar, jednako ugodan nije ni optužujući pogled i pitanje „Zašto?“ koje obično slijedi nakon što istog upitate za uputnicu za briseve na spolno prenosive bolesti. Zašto? E pa zato jer sam se jednom nemarno ponašala prema svom tijelu i seksala se bez zaštite? Oke? Zavrjeđujem li gorjeti na lomači zbog toga?
Bitno je da shvatimo kako naše vagine ne samo da su zdrave, lijepe i upravo onakve kakvima bi trebale biti, nego su itekako ukorijenjene u samo funkcioniranje našeg mozga, tijela i duše. Stoga ću se u drugom dijelu članka pozabaviti knjigom koju sam prethodno spomenula - „Vagina: Nova biografija“. U njoj autorica piše: „Žensko seksualno iskustvo, duboko krivo shvaćeno, nije samo pitanje seksualnosti ili zadovoljstva. Ono također služi kao medij ženske samosvijesti i nade, ženskog stvaralaštvai hrabrosti, ženskog fokusa i inicijative; ženskog blaženstva i transcendencije i ultimativno ženske slobode. Kako bi u potpunosti razumjeli vaginu, važno je shvatiti da ona ne egzistira samo sa ženskim mozgom, nego i sa samom ženskom dušom.“
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Let's love our vaginas - part 1
Writer and philosopher Alain de Botton said: "The more closely we analyze what we consider sexy, the more we clearly understand that eroticsm is the feeling of excitement that permeates us when we meet another human being who shares our values and sense of meaning for existence." American author Naomi Wolf explained it even better in her book " Vagina: The New Biography " published a little over a year ago. This book is all about research on misunderstood mind - body connection between brain and genitals, conscious and unconscious, the sexual. What is specifically underlined here is the discovery of how much physical experience affects every aspect of a woman's life, from stress to creativity through intricate machinery which connects biology and very existence. Wolf is otherwise known for her book "The Beauty Myth" from the 1991. In this kind of feminist Bible, the author exposes the shocking history of modern urban women, slaves of the beauty myth and says: " It is similar to female sexuality: her whole body is sensitive to touch , so she needs tenderness and sex, and since her erotic fantasies are rather complex, the woman, sooner or later in life, finds herself in a situation of faking in front of man, fearing that her erotic gluttony will chase him away. It's not nice to show her desire to fully, tells us the myth of beauty, it is just as bad as commenting the penis, or, God forbid, writing about it. In addition, from early childhood the idea is instilled in a women that for whatever reason she is unattractive, she may have legs too thick or too thin, buttocks or breasts too big or too small, and it's better for her to make love in the dark and not to talk about her orgasmic potential. Never to anyone. And all this because of the beauty myth, which is so powerful that it almost not noticed."
And really, aren’t we all victimscaught in the vortexof our own insecurities? Moreover, don’t our insecurities reach to ourvaginas too? The woman really is implanted a thought that she is unattractive and constantly has to fight to be more beautifuland more desirable. At the same time, not only that we believe we have buttocks too big, breasts too small or too muchfat around the stomach, but we are convinced that our most intimate is not beautiful and desirable enough, and I mean vagina by saying our most intimate. I think this is proven the most by three examples:
a) We are expected to satisfyhim orally, while the same does not imply for us. We should be happy if he decides to come down because there is something dirty about cunt. Who on earthwould visit a place such as cunt?
b) A trend particularly popularin the UK last couple of years – labiaplasty or correction of exterior female genitals. At some point it was not enough to twitch every hair with Brazilian and Egyptian depilation so under the influence of porn movies which offer a completely unrealisticview of the human body and sex we decidedto go for redesign or reduction of the labia. Here "redundant" skin of the vagina is removed as if you are a piece of meat at the butcher’s shop. And not only that porn movies play a significant role here but magazines in which you can see vaginas reduced to unrealisticallysmall sizes do it as well.
c) The word vagina orespecially cunt almostalways have the negative connotation or at least we say these words quietly. In doing so, we forget that the word cunt is not a dirty word, but it is our relationship to that word that is dirty!
For the purposes of this article I made a mini-survey in which respondentswere asked the questionwhich is the first association that comes into their mindwhen they think of their vagina. Personally, first association that comes to my mind is shame, shame about the factthat it is a vagina, shame about my sexual life... Through writingthis blog I quite reconciled with my sexuality and my vagina, wrote all the pain that went with it away, and somewhathelped some woman to do the same, but I thinkthat on topicof female sexuality there is still a lot to say about and a lot to clarify. Because at the moment we fully understand our vaginasand our sexuality we will be completely free and will enjoy sex to the fullest. Now let's take a look at what my subjects told me:
1. P. P. ( 26 years old) : Laughter in the sense of " Hihi , something rude"
2. I. P. ( 25 years old) : Swagina!
3. C. C : (23 years old) : - When I think of my vagina, then adjectives " beautiful to me ," " beautiful to my boyfriend " , " puffy , large labia " come to my mind and I remember the surprise ( and fear ! ) when my boyfriend saw the exterior of my vagina for the first time, because my labia were larger than his ex- girlfriends’ labia, as well as the labia of the majority of the girls he saw in the porn ( amateur ) movies.
4. I. K. ( 28 years old ) : Sex !
5. D.Z. ( 23 years old ) : When I think of my vagina, other women come to my mind!
6.P.K. ( 27 years old) : Juicy !
7. K. D. ( 27 years old) : Vagina = flower says my husband , vagina = butterflies in my stomach I say,
8. M. B. (20 years old) : First, what comes to my mind except bleeding every month is discrimination against hairs, or if a woman is hairy then it is yucky, she isn’t taking care of herself etc. , and if a man has a hairy penis then it is " normal "
9.N. P. ( 29 years old) : I don’t really like my vagina, I don’t think it is very pretty, it is certainly far away from porn ideals . Let's say that I have no confidence in this field , which is terrible because I really love oral sex :/
10. H.H ( 30 years old) : Wet and powerful.
11. M. T. ( 24 years old ) : Melon
12. T. K. ( 25 years old) : Peaches
13. S. S. ( 23 years old) : The Vagina Monologues
14. M. K. (30 years old) : My precious
2. I. P. ( 25 years old) : Swagina!
3. C. C : (23 years old) : - When I think of my vagina, then adjectives " beautiful to me ," " beautiful to my boyfriend " , " puffy , large labia " come to my mind and I remember the surprise ( and fear ! ) when my boyfriend saw the exterior of my vagina for the first time, because my labia were larger than his ex- girlfriends’ labia, as well as the labia of the majority of the girls he saw in the porn ( amateur ) movies.
4. I. K. ( 28 years old ) : Sex !
5. D.Z. ( 23 years old ) : When I think of my vagina, other women come to my mind!
6.P.K. ( 27 years old) : Juicy !
7. K. D. ( 27 years old) : Vagina = flower says my husband , vagina = butterflies in my stomach I say,
8. M. B. (20 years old) : First, what comes to my mind except bleeding every month is discrimination against hairs, or if a woman is hairy then it is yucky, she isn’t taking care of herself etc. , and if a man has a hairy penis then it is " normal "
9.N. P. ( 29 years old) : I don’t really like my vagina, I don’t think it is very pretty, it is certainly far away from porn ideals . Let's say that I have no confidence in this field , which is terrible because I really love oral sex :/
10. H.H ( 30 years old) : Wet and powerful.
11. M. T. ( 24 years old ) : Melon
12. T. K. ( 25 years old) : Peaches
13. S. S. ( 23 years old) : The Vagina Monologues
14. M. K. (30 years old) : My precious
15. Z.B. (30 years old): I can only think of a visit to a gynecologist..
I split the associations into two groups: 1 ) positive associations and 2 ) negative associations
1 ) Positive associations: " Swagina " , " Wet and powerful " , "Sex " , " When I think of my vagina, other women come to my mind" , " Juicy " , " The Vagina Monologues " , "Melon" , "Peaches" , "My precious", " Beautiful to me" , " Puffy, large labia", “Vagina = flowers says my husband, vagina = butterflies in my stomach I say "
2 ) Negative associations: " Laughter in the sense of " Hihi , something rude " , " I remember the surprise ( and fear ! ) when my boyfriend saw the exterior of my vagina for the first time, because my labia were larger than his ex- girlfriends’ labia, as well as the labia of the majority of the girls he saw in the porn ( amateur ) movies.“, " I don’t really like my vagina, I don’t think it is very pretty, it is certainly far away from porn ideals . Let's say that I have no confidence in this field , which is terrible because I really love oral sex :/ ", "First, what comes to my mind except bleeding every month is discrimination against hairs, or if a woman is hairy then it is yucky, she isn’t taking care of herself etc. , and if a man has a hairy penis then it is " normal " and " I can only think of a visit to a gynecologist“
Positive associations caused that aaw effect in me. I was proud and happy because of the positive and I would say, mighty attitude girls have towards their vaginas. This is the evidence of a healthy sexual life and relationship to your body. However, negative associations, as much as I expected them, are the proof of distorted perceptions that we women have about our bodies and sexuality. The sentence " Laughter in the sense of " Hihi , something rude " is the result of centuries of brainwashing with the fact that sex and genitals are something rude, dirty and animalistic. While the sentences: “I remember the surprise ( and fear ! ) when my boyfriend saw the exterior of my vagina for the first time, because my labia were larger than his ex- girlfriends’ labia, as well as the labia of the majority of the girls he saw in the porn ( amateur ) movies.“, " I don’t really like my vagina, I don’t think it is very pretty, it is certainly far away from porn ideals . Let's say that I have no confidence in this field , which is terrible because I really love oral sex :/ " and "First, what comes to my mind except bleeding every month is discrimination against hairs, or if a woman is hairy then it is yucky, she isn’t taking care of herself etc. , and if a man has a hairy penis then it is " normal "and " are a proof of the wrong perception of sex and body which is imposed by porn films in which the actresses perfectly waxed, with unrealistically beautiful, tiny vaginas , play mindless cows used for fast fertilizing or better say rapid penetration where his culmination is very visible, while her is superbly acted. And as far as going to the gynecologist, except the fact that a visit to the gynecologist is not the most comfortable thing, equally unpleasant is the accusing look and the question " Why ? " which usually follows after you ask him/her for the order to make a test on sexually transmitted diseases. Why? Well, because I once acted negligently toward my body and had sex without protection? Ok ? Do I deserve to burn at the stake because of it?
It is important to realize that our vaginas are not only healthy, beautiful and exactly how theyshould be, butare very much rootedin the functioning of our brain, body andsoul. Therefore in the second part of my article I will be addressing to the book I previously mentioned- "Vagina: The New Biography." In it, the author writes: "Women'ssexual experience, deeply misunderstood, is not just the question of sexuality orpleasure. It also serves as a medium of woman's self-confidenceand hope, courageand creativity, focus and initiatives, bliss and transcendence andultimately woman's freedom. In order to fully understand the vagina, it is important to realize that it not only coexists with the female brain, but also with the female soul."
photos used in the text:
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