U redu je biti single - 1 dio

"U našoj je literaturi, svaka priča o potpunoj izolaciji čovjeka od njegove vrste, bilo fizičkoj ili psihičkoj, kao što je priča o Robinson Crusoeu prije nego je pronašao otisak ljudskog stopala na plaži, doživljena kao horor priča" David Potter, povjesničar

Ako u google upišete „ being single“ ili „being solo“ gotovo jedino što će vam izletjeti van su članci tipa „Sama, ali svoja“ , „10 razloga zašto je biti single tako super“ ili „Kako uživati u činjenici da ste single – 6 jednostavnih koraka“. I dok nam se odgovor na ovaj rastući fenomen nudi u obliku savjeta površnih poput Coelhovih self help knjiga zapakiranih u neukusne ljubiće, činjenica je da je sve više ljudi single, više nego u bilo kojem drugom povijesnom periodu.

Problem kod spomenutih naslova je što imaju isključivo funkciju savjeta, u smislu da savjetuju kako da prebolimo činjenicu da smo solo i usprkos tome izgradimo kvalitetan život. Kao da je bivanje single medicinski termin koji označava kakvu bolest.

No, koliko god razumijevanje ili nerazumijevanje ležalo s druge strane, govoriti o bivaju single vječito znači govoriti iz pozicije onog ili one koja se brani. Zapravo, možda je najbolje reći iz pozicije one koja se brani jer češće će žena biti ta koja mora braniti svoj solo status, nego muškarac. Osim ako niste Samantha Jones.

Pa čak se i lik Samanthe, kao uostalom cijeli "Seks i grad", pokazao potpunim promašajem, budući da se iza pretenciozno naglašene seksualne neovisnosti glavnih protagonistica zapravo skriva dobro zapakirana emocionalna ovisnost. Na kraju ispada da Carrie čitavu seriju lovi jednog frajera koji našu naizgled samostalnu, inteligentnu i uspješnu junakinju tretira kao igračku. Tako ova serija zapravo ne propagira ispunjen i zdrav samački život, nego potragu za ljubavlju, do koje se dolazi nakon što dovoljno puta svog "savršenog" muškarca odvučete u krevet. Na pamet mi pritom pada i često gotova nezdrava opsesija savršenim mužem, djecom i obitelji Charlotte York koja tako portretira tipičan obrazac žene koja može biti ispunjena jedino kao žena i majka. Ova je tema usko povezana sa singlismom (diskiminacijom osoba koje nemaju partnera) jer su i žene koje ne žele imati djecu na meti napada ili u najmanju ruku naizgled dobronamjernih savjeta poput: "Ali bit će žao kasnije", "Ti ne znaš koliki je dijete blagoslov" ili "Ostarit ćeš sama". Osobno smatram da ako netko može ići toliko daleko da tvrdi kako žena ne može biti potpuna ukoliko ne rodi, onda ja slobodno mogu reći kako mislim da većina žena zapravo ne želi imati djecu, nego misli da želi imati djecu, samo zato jer su društveno instruirane da tako misle. Odnosno, usudila bi se reći da je ta ideja usađena, kao i mnoštvo drugih ideja koje su usađene u ženski mozak, a pritom nam se "prodaju" kao biološki utemeljene.

No, da zaključimo priču sa "Seksom i gradom", ako nekim slučajem to jest priča o velikoj ljubavi, ista dakako ne funkcionira tako lako u stvarnosti.

U svakom slučaju, korijen samačke obrane leži u pretpostavci kako samci ipak jesu sretni, zadovoljni i normalni, premda naše društvo propagira sreću koja je moguća isključivo u paru. Time se ujedno propagira i strah od samoće koji se zapravo nalazi u srži ovog problema, budući da je strah od izolacije tako duboko ukorijenjen u funkcioniranje našeg društva.

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                               It's OK to be single! - part 1

"In our literature, any talk of complete isolation of man from his kind, whether physical or psychological, such as the story of Robinson Crusoe before he found the imprint of a human foot on the beach, perceived as a horror story," David Potter, historian

If you type "being single" or "being solo" in google, almost the only thing that will come up are articles such as "Single, but yourself", "10 reasons why it is so great to be single" or "How to enjoy the fact that you are single - 6 simple steps". And while the answer to this growing phenomenon is offered in the form of advice, superficial as Paulo Coelho self help books packaged in tasteless love novels, the fact is that more people are single now than in any other historical period.

The problem with the aforementioned titles is that they have sole function of advice, in terms of advice on how to get over the fact that we are single and still build a productive life. As if being single is a medical term for some kind of a disease.

However, whatever understanding or misunderstanding lays on the other side, speaking of being single always means to speak from the position of the one who defends himself or herself. In fact, it may be best to say from the position of the person who defends herself, because women will often be the one who must defend their solo status, more than men. Unless you are Samantha Jones.

But even the character of Samantha, as the entire "Sex and the City", turned out to be a complete failure, since the pretentiously pronounced sexual independence of major protagonists actually hides a well packed emotional dependence. In the end it turns out that Carrie chases one guy throughoutthe whole series,who treates our seemingly independent, intelligent and successful heroine as a toy. Thus, this series does not propagate a full and healthy life of solitude, but the search for love, which is reached apparently after you drag your "perfect" man into your bed enough times. It also makes me think about often unhealthy obsession of Charlotte York with the perfect husband, children and family, who portrays typical pattern of a woman who can be fulfilled only as a wife and a mother. This theme is closely linked to singlism (discrimination of people who don't have a partner) because women who do not want to have children are also under the attack or at least seemingly well-meaning advices like: "But you will regret it later", "You do not know how much blessing is to have a child "or " You will grow old alone " I personally believe that if one can go so far as to claim that a woman can not be complete if she doesn't give birth, then I feel free to say that I think that most women don't really want to have children, but just think they do because they are socially instructed to think so. I even dare to say that this idea is implanted, as well as bunch of other ideas that were implanted in the female brain, but which are "sold" to us as biologically based.

But, to sum up the story of "Sex and the City", if by any chance it is a story of great love, of course, the same doesn't work so easily in reality.

In any case, the root of defense of single people lies in the assumption that single people are still happy, content and normal, although our society propagates happiness which is possible only in pair. This also propagates the fear of loneliness, which is actually located in the heart of the problem, since the fear of isolation is so deeply rooted in the functioning of our society.

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Photos: Pinterest